Wednesday, November 13, 2013

“What you must understand about me is that I’m a deeply unhappy person.”

Just listened to shayne ward and i can't help feeling sad for no reason. His voice is so sorrowful that one can't help but to feel sad?? I realised i listen to many love songs in the past and i remember crying while singing love songs what the heck was i doing hahaha and i don't even have a lover then, or now. Listening to sad songs are somehow very comforting to me and i guess i like to make myself sad sometimes. Like, it is ok to make myself sad but it's NOT ok for people to make me sad hahaha  i can make myself sad looking at pretty people on insta but i hate it when people make me sad, like today. I swear my patience is running thin ughhh im a princess in my house ok and i have to bear this shit in school wtf better watch out i nearly raged today (just a lil bit more)

All these random ramblings aside, nothing major happened and i don't know if this is a good or bad thing (good because nothing made me sad, bad because i have a mundane life), life is pretty much studies, spending money on food and regretting it later, the want to be skinny, gorging on food, gossiping (lol im ashamed of this), consoling friends, watching dramas, browsing carousell for hours and yeah, that's it.

Today's her birthday and i delibrately went to her twitter profile and browse through all her tweets plus insta photos and yay i managed to evoke that sad empty feeling within me ): She's not pretty, smart, super nice or anything but she has EVERYTHING. What I won't do to have her friends who are so damn caring and nice to her and no, i refuse to believe that she's not a bitch ugh. She fricking stole M away from me ok i will not settle for this (i have actually).

Dad sent me home today and i was thinking of M while on the lorry. Sigh, how i hope we have a chance to be friends again but sadly, we won't. He really played an important part in my life that period of time and it's such a pity to see him being someone i used to know. I don't even know why i was so affected then, he wasn't even someone i like (as a lover) and yet, i was so upset that i cried to sleep the first few days ):
I guess all this is over now and i should move on and improve myself to be a better person

Anyway, my third piercing doesn't hurt that much anymore and im thinking of getting another one heeheehe and i plan to start working out and save $$$$ heehehhee can't wait for christmas!!!

P/s it's gonna be a year since i know you and no matter how much i say i hate you and how i don't ever wanna see you, i still wish the best for you and pls don't be sad anymore. I'm always here for you, just that you'll never know


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