Thursday, September 25, 2014

Blood and tears

hello. Recently, life sucks. There's nothing major happening right now except preparing for my Cambodia trip on the 9th and going for DnD meetings.

Had PCO camp last week and overall, it was a success. The programme flow, activities, everything was brilliant. We finished the mc debrief in thirty minutes, something sharon and troy said never happened.

Went for a nightwalk at design and slept for 2 hrs before proceeding to mass games wet games final clash break camp.

I think this PCO camp has made me braver? In a way. Also, it made me more popular because people knew I was the camp commandant of the camp plus all of them loved the camp.

Things were going well. But, a few days ago. We were made to submit our preferences to troy for FO. I didn't know what I want. I really didn't. I just know that FA is the supposedly fun one while the rest sucks.

How am I going to choose?? I hate prog but prog seemed like a better choice then foodmin or log. I will not forgive myself if I put foodmin or log as second choice and got it. Thus, I put FA then prog.

But prog is really not my forte. I cannot tape props for nuts. I hate brainstorming and creating games. I hate it.

Now I just feel so nervous and jittery at the thought of FO. Either way, all posts suck. There are pros and cons in each post and idk if I'm willing to sacrifice for this FO.

Also, dickson has been really fucking annoying with all those bullshit of ATT being annoying. I guess he finds it annoying because the limelight isn't on him???
Fuck him and his self righteous beliefs that he's good and correct. He isn't. He can be wrong. People shouldn't support him because he's handsome. He isn't even that funny. I hope someone crushes his self esteem, crushing it so badly that he can never held his head high.

People like him need a wakeup call that they don't call the shots. That's what a hierarchy is for so you better get your fucking ass down.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014


you know that feeling you get when your heart just plummets down and then there's no way to stop that horrible feeling and you feel so scared, scared out of your wits and you cannot help but gasp and pray that nothing goes wrong.

yeap. thats just how I feel today.

the clubroom key was with me all along and being so fucking stupid, I thought it was with the others. Got a call from Celine from SAA where she expressed her anger on me then I realised the key has not been returned. Panicked like shit to only realise the key is with me 2mins later. Not that Im unhappy, I'm so glad I found the key thank god but it's with me???!!! fucking careless of me to leave the key like this. what is wrong with my memory.

Thank god the key is in my BAG and not in my pockets or whatwver if not I will really freak out and die. First thing I'm gonna do when I reach school tomorrow is to get rid of that key and pray that nothing like this will ever happen again. Such a scary feeling and it's even scarier than receiving your exam results because the fear of losing something is really terrible plus main comm life isn't exactly what I like.

Recently, I have beem really stressed abouy PCO camp sigh. Glen told me it's gonna be okay but I still have this fear within me and I cannot help but feel that I am not prepared for this. Usually, I'm always prepared and calm and collected but recently, I feel so out of place and nervous and worried. Maybe because this camp I feel uncomfortable working with main comm (ppl like troy) which made me more afraid to open myself and my ideas to others and I feel like I have to seek consent although its MY camp.

I don't like the feeling of letting people down so today feels utterly terrible, the 80 bux lamps and the SAA key sigh can I quit life right now and be artsy fartsy and paint and draw and listen to cool music and read books and chill.

Had a bad start today with me realising the triangular gardens is booked so we are unable to hold our dry run and me rushing to school to only realise glen was in school so he could actually go to SAA and book courts.

Life has been hard on me recently and I feel so tired rushing around making people happy, and not myself.

sigh I cannot wait for PCO camp to be over )-:

Also, A managed to make me happy today and I like iy wejn he gives me the wink HAHA but oh well, as usual, he stopped replying halfway and it makes me so sad and disappointed that he can tweet/instal but not reply me??? Plus he was the one that started it gosh. Am I not enough for you to stay? I know you think about your ex and stilll but am I not important?? or am I important to the extent of you thinking of me everyday but not fun enough to entertain you??? Can you please please please reply me. I'm even  begging you to not leave this hanging.

going sch tomorrow to do props and then off to troy hse for dinner and then off to celebrate jacky bday.

may tomorrow be the opposite of today: Less fear, more laughter


Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Roses and Moon

Hi to the nonexistent readers out there, sorry for the hiatus as recently im so busy with tests assignments feelings and life. Thought it will be better once holidays start but im so drained already with only 6 days of holidays. Life pretty much revolves around going to school to prepare for PCO camp and oh, i got into the committee of dnd so yeap bye to my tues and wed nights (all spent on meetings and meetings)

Camp is coming on the 19th and im pretty much afraid?? First big event of my life which involves so many people and this camp affects my main comm life (seriously), one wrong move and my hopes of being an FA will be crushed. So yeah, my life is now hanging on a fine thread and PCO camp is the best way to prove myself to everyone.

Recently, I've been talking to A and it makes me very happy somehow?? We went out twice, once for coffee and once to school and it's been pretty enjoyable and he called me up twice too and we talk pretty much everyday. But, one thing is, he replies very slow, I'm serious, like those 1-2hr break and our convo dont even last for thirty mins wth. Today, he didnt even reply me but he can tweet/insta.

Why? Am I not good enough for you to talk to me? If that is really so, why did you even start texting me and i rather we skype because that's the only time we talk, like really talk.

Another day of bitterness. Another day of disappointment. Another day of sadness.