Wednesday, September 10, 2014


you know that feeling you get when your heart just plummets down and then there's no way to stop that horrible feeling and you feel so scared, scared out of your wits and you cannot help but gasp and pray that nothing goes wrong.

yeap. thats just how I feel today.

the clubroom key was with me all along and being so fucking stupid, I thought it was with the others. Got a call from Celine from SAA where she expressed her anger on me then I realised the key has not been returned. Panicked like shit to only realise the key is with me 2mins later. Not that Im unhappy, I'm so glad I found the key thank god but it's with me???!!! fucking careless of me to leave the key like this. what is wrong with my memory.

Thank god the key is in my BAG and not in my pockets or whatwver if not I will really freak out and die. First thing I'm gonna do when I reach school tomorrow is to get rid of that key and pray that nothing like this will ever happen again. Such a scary feeling and it's even scarier than receiving your exam results because the fear of losing something is really terrible plus main comm life isn't exactly what I like.

Recently, I have beem really stressed abouy PCO camp sigh. Glen told me it's gonna be okay but I still have this fear within me and I cannot help but feel that I am not prepared for this. Usually, I'm always prepared and calm and collected but recently, I feel so out of place and nervous and worried. Maybe because this camp I feel uncomfortable working with main comm (ppl like troy) which made me more afraid to open myself and my ideas to others and I feel like I have to seek consent although its MY camp.

I don't like the feeling of letting people down so today feels utterly terrible, the 80 bux lamps and the SAA key sigh can I quit life right now and be artsy fartsy and paint and draw and listen to cool music and read books and chill.

Had a bad start today with me realising the triangular gardens is booked so we are unable to hold our dry run and me rushing to school to only realise glen was in school so he could actually go to SAA and book courts.

Life has been hard on me recently and I feel so tired rushing around making people happy, and not myself.

sigh I cannot wait for PCO camp to be over )-:

Also, A managed to make me happy today and I like iy wejn he gives me the wink HAHA but oh well, as usual, he stopped replying halfway and it makes me so sad and disappointed that he can tweet/instal but not reply me??? Plus he was the one that started it gosh. Am I not enough for you to stay? I know you think about your ex and stilll but am I not important?? or am I important to the extent of you thinking of me everyday but not fun enough to entertain you??? Can you please please please reply me. I'm even  begging you to not leave this hanging.

going sch tomorrow to do props and then off to troy hse for dinner and then off to celebrate jacky bday.

may tomorrow be the opposite of today: Less fear, more laughter


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