Thursday, May 8, 2014

I'm alone

Wednesday was a really good day because I was grouped together with shiri and ella for TNS and I had a talk with nic and finally everything is cleared. She finally said a sincere sorry and not saying sorry just because she's 'told to'. She apologised for defaming me and talking about me behind my back. Then I reached home for a nice dinner and bird nest as dessert.
I was also preparing for triathlon which happens on thursday and I wanted to get my towel from the drawer.

Then, I accidentally slammed my toe against the metal bed frame. It's the super strong kind and immediately I felt pain. I thought the pain will lessen after awhile but it didnt? There was like a dull ache but I kinda ignore it and just ice and then put some bruise cream. I already have a feeling I cracked my toe but I just try to block that info out. Then I went to sleep.

 I really cannot walk. Every step hurts and I feel so useless and upset because im really looking forward to trials and now, gone. Thankfully aaron said it's ok but then today I had to visit the doc alone??? Nobody even fucking bother to like really ask if im ok (except shiri). Ella was being bitchy as usual and like it didnt even sound sincere?? And atiqah just brush it off. Good job guys!!!!!!!! So nice of you to just ignore me. Zoe ignored me too yay. Zhiyi also (most probably sch work).

Then as if I didnt feel bad enough, after visiting the gp, mum called to scold me saying im wasting my time and I didnt call to ask and made decisions on my own. Yeah fuck you all yesterday when I wanted to visit doc and I was obviously in pain but you all dismiss it as nothing then when I try to do smth about it, you criticise the way I do it and wow why didn't you even call to ask how am I and yesterday you still ask me to go to school when I obviously cant even really walk?? Why are you all like this to me wtf

Yeah as if I wanted this. You all dont even know I wanted to join triathlon and you all just keep saying im clumsy. Yeah Yeah I wanted this to happen to me. It's my fault but don't you think im upset too?

At polyclinic now and I just want to get this over and done with. Thank god for painkilles, now I feel so much better and I realised I need to be strong and stop being whiny or wimpy.

P/s a thank you to the aunty on the bus just now who taught me how to go polyclinic even tho I still got lost. Thank you for caring about me compared to my mum who's screaming her head off because I visited the gp. And yeah I always spend your money thanks for hurting my feelings mum

And today, i got asked to join main comm AGAIN. I think i sitll wont accept it even tho a part of me really wants it because i dont want to worry and i know that that's just a short-term happiness.

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