"well-behaved woman seldom make history"

"“For Attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
 For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
 For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
 For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
 For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. 
 People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
 As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.” 

"whatever you are, be a good one"

xoxo

“What you must understand about me is that I’m a deeply unhappy person.”

hi.
Just listened to shayne ward and i can't help feeling sad for no reason. His voice is so sorrowful that one can't help but to feel sad?? I realised i listen to many love songs in the past and i remember crying while singing love songs what the heck was i doing hahaha and i don't even have a lover then, or now. Listening to sad songs are somehow very comforting to me and i guess i like to make myself sad sometimes. Like, it is ok to make myself sad but it's NOT ok for people to make me sad hahaha  i can make myself sad looking at pretty people on insta but i hate it when people make me sad, like today. I swear my patience is running thin ughhh im a princess in my house ok and i have to bear this shit in school wtf better watch out i nearly raged today (just a lil bit more)

All these random ramblings aside, nothing major happened and i don't know if this is a good or bad thing (good because nothing made me sad, bad because i have a mundane life), life is pretty much studies, spending money on food and regretting it later, the want to be skinny, gorging on food, gossiping (lol im ashamed of this), consoling friends, watching dramas, browsing carousell for hours and yeah, that's it.

Today's her birthday and i delibrately went to her twitter profile and browse through all her tweets plus insta photos and yay i managed to evoke that sad empty feeling within me ): She's not pretty, smart, super nice or anything but she has EVERYTHING. What I won't do to have her friends who are so damn caring and nice to her and no, i refuse to believe that she's not a bitch ugh. She fricking stole M away from me ok i will not settle for this (i have actually).

Dad sent me home today and i was thinking of M while on the lorry. Sigh, how i hope we have a chance to be friends again but sadly, we won't. He really played an important part in my life that period of time and it's such a pity to see him being someone i used to know. I don't even know why i was so affected then, he wasn't even someone i like (as a lover) and yet, i was so upset that i cried to sleep the first few days ):
I guess all this is over now and i should move on and improve myself to be a better person

Anyway, my third piercing doesn't hurt that much anymore and im thinking of getting another one heeheehe and i plan to start working out and save $$$$ heehehhee can't wait for christmas!!!

P/s it's gonna be a year since i know you and no matter how much i say i hate you and how i don't ever wanna see you, i still wish the best for you and pls don't be sad anymore. I'm always here for you, just that you'll never know

x

happy birthday to me

Hi. I'm supposed to be doing the RM quiz now but i guess i shall take a mini break before i continue heheheh

Firstly, happy 17th to me! This year was one difficult year i shall say as i dealt with people leaving me and realising that some people are so important to me that when they leave, I'm completely lost. This year was tough especially from Jan-April because i was alone, dealing with the fact that im on a different route from my close friends. All of them (most) enrolled into jc and I was one of the exceptional that chose poly, plus temasek poly. It's been so long since i made friends so i was really scared and i remember crying cause i was so scared. I remember M making me feel better with all his words but i guess i bore him so we stopped talking in june. That period was the worst period of my life, going through the same thing in sec 3. He left me all alone, someone that i grew so close with just like how i did with jh and it pains me that the same thing has to happen TWICE. liking someone i should never like and getting hurt in the end. I cried myself to sleep and prayed that he will talk to me again everyday. Now, i don't. Those days were over. I have moved on and im really proud of myself for being so strong, surviving all these.

This year, I learnt to make friends. I learnt to be more funny, outgoing and be myself. For the first time in 17 years, i feel free. I feel unrestricted and YOLO. I love all my poly friends and im really thankful for the surprise on friday plus the outing at the beach (':

On the whole, I'm proud of myself for staying true to myself and not being easily swayed by people. I'm happy with my grades and i will work harder to maintain it. Also, I will learn to save money and be easily contented. I'm ready to welcome more people into my life and i shall let things take its natural course. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

I'm not that afraid of the interviews anymore (: I will try my best to have fun with whatever i'm given with.

------


Just came back from wedding lunch and im too full to even have dinner even after 4 hrs. 9 course meal really no joke hahahahah i thought i might die halfway while eating, something i don't mind hahahaha

back to reality

xoxo

Popularity

"Two things define you:
  your patience when you have nothing
  &
  your attitude when you have everything"


Hi guys! Sorry for the lack pf updates recently, was busy settling into school: need to get used to the new timetable which SUCKS. I have lessons till 7pm on Mon and Tues, 6pm on wednesday ): good luck to me for the next sem, maybe i can lose weight hheheeeeheh.

Went swimming today with Grace and we were supposed to swim at 10am but..............in the end we swam at 2.30pm and it was only like 5 laps??!?? Ok at first it was too hot so we waited then when we waited to swim, there were 2 guys in the pool and the pool is fricking small so as usual, I made a fuss and we walked the entire neighbourhood to find any condos to sneak into. But, we didnt so we went back and got the courage to swim with them. It was only 5 laps but i was damn tired sobs so my stamina so sucky so we went to bathe and change. Proceeded to have lunch after walking for like 20 mins becus 'everything with a pinch of salt' closed, thai cuisine no wifi, italian food closed so we finally settled at the ground bar and cafe. Got toffee apple cider !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And thin crust pizza followed by h2h with rum and raisin ice cream *-*

Was talking about popularity today and I realised i don't reallly have a personality. I'm always a mixture. I'm friendly but I'm cold too. I smile alot but I frown alot too. I like noise but i hate noise too. I love excitement but i dislike the thrill sometimes. There's no constant in me. People like their food sweet or savoury but i like mine sweet/savoury depending on my mood. I realise there is no definite in me. I'm highly unstable, maybe this explains why im so fickle. I take a long time to decide what i want and sometimes i hesitate even though i  know i want it.

I learnt about easy and difficult child today and i realise im a mixture. I laugh and cry easily. I get upset easily. I get happy easily. I'm easily contented. The next minute, I'm not. I don't even know what colour i like, that's how much i dont know about myself.

And that, is utterly depressing. How can i even try to understand people when i don't even know what kind of person i am

I sincerely hope that i will find out what my personality is and i shall give up the thought of being popular because in this life, im meant for other things, not this.

): when will i ever be happy

ugh just saw something that ruined my whole mood. I was so happy that we closed at 9 today but ugh nevermind. Her tweets never fail to piss me off. Why are you so popular?? Why do so many guys talk to you? What makes you so good? What's so attractive about you? Why do everybody loves you?

Stuck in this downward spiral of self-hatred once again. Was talking to Grace today and I told her all my insecurities sigh like my fat nose etc (small lips...) and she say Im quite pretty. How is that even possible......if im pretty i wont be looking like this at all.

I'm never contented i guess, trying so hard but i can't -cries-

rebonded my hair and it looks ok yay now second task: get piercings

 i give up trying to forget about you becus that's not possible at all

i cut my hair

"Your mind is a garden,
 your thoughts are the seeds,
 you can grow flowers,
 or you can grow weeds"

Hello guys, it's been awhile since I've blogged and alot of things happened recently. I feel the need to get all of this off my chest or else I can't sleep. Hmm where do i start....ok firstly, i cut my hair??!!??

And i kinda liked it, as in the length. I love my long hair, like really, the length and how it made me feel so feminine but it made me look mature seriously, People were usually saying i look older than my age (20-21) when im actually only 17 (not even 17 pls) so yeah after cutting my hair, i feel more refreshed and happier!! I feel that shorter hair makes me look younger and more energetic heheehe nowadays i feel more hyped up and i see so many people like erica and tricia looking so cute with shorter hair that i want to look like that too although im 100x way uglier than them.

secondly, i got fringe!!!!!!!! People who know me personally know that i have curly hair (not in a nice way) so its hard to maintain a nice fringe. BUT this time it's okay! Unexpected suprise hahaah the fringe looks nice and the length is perf. The only thing I don't like about my hair now is that the roots have grown out the past year so it's like not exactly straight all the way? It's more like poofy hair ahhhhh which is why im going to rebond my hair tomorrow but im really scared.....i hope it's not pin straight cause those hair are damn ugly and im going town straight.

A few days ago, or rather two days ago, i cried. It wasn't those normal crying where you will stop after a while and make all those sniffing noises. It's the kind of crying that tears just flowed uncontrollably and no matter how much you try to control your tears, it just flowed by itself. Whenever I try to talk, my voice just seem as if it got stuck?? My voice sounded damn croaky and hoarse, i can only talk loudly and i can't control my emotions at all. I was in a mess. And to think all these crying is caused by work.

I guess it's partly PMS cause I got my period yesterday but work really drives me crazy. It's like a machine that sucks away all my happiness and it always leaves me feeling so drained and empty. I don't even know why im so tired of working compared to other part timers. During work, i feel ok. I feel bored, sleepy, hungry but not rly unhappy. Just nuances of it like no lunch/dinner or some chef pissed me off but not like im grumpy the whole day. However, after work, all the negative feelings will start to overtake the positive ones and i will come home pissed, frustrated, unhappy. Then, if my mum asks me to work, i will scream and throw tantrums and hate work. Then, somehow despite all these hatred, i do look forward to work? Am i crazy or bi-polar or what. Maybe it's cause i know i play a important role in the restaurant but that day, i reached my limit.

The event was HELL. it was so noisy and cramped and did i mention the fact that i hate vain girls? I sometimes complain to people that girls are as annoying and bitchy as hell when I am a girl. i hate girls because they are so annoying?! Like camwhoring and insta and selfies and bitch talks (things I dont do usually or traits i hate about myself) I feel it's so insignificant and i rly cannot take nice selfies so im probably jealous some girls can do it and i cant so i hate it. Then, the event is a makeup event?! and there are girls who are dressed like dollls (WHICH I HATE) those fucking ugly big eye thick mascara and eyelash and act cute face. Wah i cannot.

Then, the trainee pissed me off so bad. She was going around giving ideas on what to do and giving the wrong information and being all stubborn and shit and insisting everything going her way when it's obviously wrong?!!?? Refusing to listen and stuff and all these shit. Not only that, head chef pissed me off by telling me off about some stupid macarons when he clearly is trying to vent his anger on someone. On top of all these, the event was complete chaos as there was no briefing beforehand like what kind of glasses to use and the office people had some conflict before the event. so the event was so bad and i had no lunch..... that's the worse part for someone who ate 3 plates of rice and 6 potatoes cubes plus veggies for LUNCH today. I was starving that i ate 2.5 bowls of rice for dinner after that (0.5 is alina's share ooops).

Didn't manage to take photos with that pretty girl but im so happy that she finally got a boyfee heehhehe so happy for her and they are so cute together. And alina is so pretty *~* she has nice features and she looks so freaking cute ahhhh can't wait to go out with her again.

Today's god bday so we had the event but im having my period so i didn't do much today. God said i think too much which is damn true. My semantic network is too good (psychology revision), basically i link anything to everything. Unfortunately, good thing is i remember alot of things. Bad side, i think too much about everything and worry too much for my own good. I don't appreciate whatever i have. I'm never satisified.

I'm greedy.

I eat fast to get another serving or to get more time so i can use it on something else. I study hard to get results and im not contented with 3.6 although everyone says it's quite good. I sleep 7-8 hrs so i can wake up early to do some work and not waste time. I multi-task and im always trying to find some easy way out if i can so i can get the same amount of work done with lesser effort. I'm greedy that i try to make sure nobody shortchange me. This results me in being unhappy all the time.

I need to change. Sitting at the back of the lorry today, I felt free. It's been a while since i felt that way. Looking at the night scenery with the cool wind blowing against me, i feel invincible and free and happy. I hope to feel that way. Always. Thank you for this wake up call. I need to do things that makes me happy.

#1: rebond hair
#2: get more piercings
#3: be toned

ok 3 is enough for now. I will work hard on this 3 before i set new goals. Mission 'improve yourself' starts now

xoxo

everyone just shut the hell up

STOP ASKING ME TO WORK GODDAMNIT FUCK YOU. I KNOW HOW TO ORGANISE MY TIME SO SHUT UP AND LET ME DO WHAT I WANT. IM NOT EVEN FUCKING CLUBBING OR WHAT SHIT SO GIVE ME A BREAK AND STOP ASKING ME TO DO THIS AND THAT AND SAYING I KEEP GOING OUT BECUS I HAVENT EVEN WENT ONCE THIS ENTIRE HOLIDAY. SO ALL OF YOU JUST SHUT UP. SHUT THE HELL UP.

no fucking consideration for my feelings at all